Goodbye, 2006.

You have been an eventful year – a year dominated by becoming a parent/mother.

They say that blogs will peter out as most people realize they have nothing to say.

On the contrary, I think the majority of people are just starting to understand the power of user generated internet and want to join in – people like myself.

Feel as if starting a blog has opened this window inside of me and the creativity, the thoughts, the ideas of things to share are starting to pour in and coalesce. It is like a breath of fresh Qi into my mind! As a trained acupuncturist, I need this as I need to get re-establish a connection with acupuncture – a connection I lost when I closed my private practice down in June 2005. More on that later.

Thanks again, 2006 for giving me at least two new voices: the authority voice of being a mom and the cyber voice that lets me register my thoughts with the rest of the world.

Ok, somehow I just lost the draft of my post so I am livid at myself right now.

Back to the McLaughlin group. Http://www.mclaughlin.com

It was surreal to see Pat Buchanan name Angelina Jolie “Most Charismatic of 2006,” Tony Blankely to name Gwenyth Paltrow as “Worst Turncoat of 2006,” and the guy from MSNBC (cannot find his name on TMG website) name Tom Cruise as “Best Comeback of 2006.” Pul-leaze! Believe Tony’s comment was mostly tongue in cheek but the other two seemed sincere. If I want to hear those names mentionned, I will turn on ET or pick up People Magazine (which I am known to do) so do not pollute TMG with that celebrity worship shiite.

Back also to the Great Northwest Power Windstorm and Power Outage of 2006. So, now here is a clue. Was affected by this. Mi casa is situated in a place that gets windstorms all the time – this one was stronger, longer, and more impressive. Losing power from 1 am Friday 15 Dec to 9:30 pm Tuesday 19 Dec somehow took a lot of magic out of this time of year from me. For those of us who can call the Northern Hemisphere our home, it is human and natural to have a festival (of lights) this time of year: Saturnalia, Chanukah,Yule, Solstice, Christmas, el-Eid, Kwanazaa, and so on. You need to be reminded of the light at the end of the tunnel!

Cousins

This year seems particularly lonely and isolating/isolated which is ironic since we have an additional family member now – the babe.

Am currently making my way through Dan Savage’s The Committment.   http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove

It’s his memoir on love, sex, marriage, and his family. Particularly resonated with his talking about growing up surrounded by extended catholic family in Chicago, looking at old family pictures where, as a child, he’s crowded by tons of family memebers contrasted with the photos of he or his partner Terry, with their son, DJ; those photos seem empty in comparison. (p.61)

Likewise, this is my child’s first Christmas. Her dad works 6 days a week and is currently mildly estranged from his parents. My big, loving, extended family is mostly in upstate New York. Our urban “tribe” has not called us in a couple of months (“they’re probably busy with the baby”). Have not received some xmas cards from some steadfast regulars: my best friend in North Carolina, my old college roommate, my only paternal aunt, etc. (This feeds the isolation beast.)

The point is, the babe has not really brought the hubby’s family closer together as (i) once thought. So, here i am sitting at the computer, staring out at the lake for inspiration when it feels like should be packing up right now to go to an aunt’s house or a grandma’s house to be surrounded by other family members and the babe’s cousins.Most likely, our babe will never have any cousins.

On my side, my da told me my sister asked my parents recently if they would be disappointed if she never had kids. “Of course not,” my da replied. So, the babe probably will not get any cousins on my side.

On the hubby’s side, his sis is developmentally disabled and lives in a group home so no offspring there. His bro is going to be a lifelong bachelor OR one of those guys that marries a thirty year old at age sixty, fosters 1 -2 kids with her than croaks 5 -1 0 years later. Not a good chance of our babe getting a cousin from that side any time soon, either.

She’ll miss out.  I loved getting together when my cousins as a kid.  I love looking at those old family photos of the gaggle of us together at Thanksgiving and Christmas.  I prefer to be surrounded by lots of family during the holidays.  The hubby does not really care.  It could blossom into an issue.

This is my virgin foray into blogging. Have kept a journal since was 8 years old. Now, it goes cyber.

Have finished the last dregs of Mikearita while my husband was out probably having a real margarita with his brother. When your 9 month old baby is asleep, you cannot spontaneously go out for drinks like you once used to.

It’s that time of year……..when folks look back on the year. Received a lovely Christmas letter from my friend from college, Rory. He’s a real dear. His letter was filled with tales of going to 8 ski resorts in 7 days, soccer games, going to India for work, and other escapades.

I did not write a Christmas letter this year. If I had , it would have sucked. All I could really have written about was my water breaking at work, when we (as in my baby and i) became breastfeeding champions, switching, to cloth diapers, etc. Decided to follow the Golden Rule: since I would never like such a letter, decided to spare others from reading mine.

You see, I am a stay-at-home-mod. NOT a “stay at home mom”. No, never!!! I suppose the term “stay at home mom” is tidge better than “housewife” or “homemaker.” Yet, to me, the term is inadequate, at least, offensive and god awful at most.

Want me to explain? Well, cannot articulate it fully right now to be honest. All is know is that I googled “stay at home mome blog” before creating my own and was pretty horrified by what I saw. The results of the search brought up banal examples of mom blogs (and resembled what my ficticious Christmas letter would have been):

Janie weighed ten pounds in the month of X. In Y, Janie began cooing. In Z, Janie began sitting up on her own, etc.

Stuff of nonsense. Don’t get me wrong – I believe the internet and blogs especially can be a great way for families to keep in touch. But why are so many of those blogs public?

Why is mine public?

Because it’s going to be about reclaiming my life from the more than full time job of motherhood. And I need to go outside my family unit to do it.